Monthly Archives: May 2017

SEA SICK:What a beautiful day to be lonely 

Did you seen what happened? I’ve been sick ever since. Although, today I feel better. Today, I see lessons; thus feel stronger.

What do you see? 

I see a nation full of people with faltering hope…feeling desperate and anguished because sheep have shed their clothes. 

I hope my words don’t …but if so-so be it. 

The hatred that we’re seeing tells our story. It killed our families. It’s mixed with our blood. Look at our history..The hatred bred it all. 

Go ahead a spill some Go ahead and 

Over night it’s like the worlds become meaner. White vote no vote.. You message can’t be more cleaner. 

The democrats this election ain’t clean up. Anti the senorita. 

The only thing I acknowledge is malice. I don’t even want … In my pockets.

Self soothing with online shopping. While others say their vote doesn’t count like their ancestors didn’t pick cotton. Broken pieces- blame on Jesus. Omg I hope y’all don’t get sea sick. See me in shit you never saw if it weren’t for these pictures- wouldn’t see me at all. Whole worlds in awe. They forgot we crashed through glass ceilings and broke through closed doors. I’m on the ocean. I’m in heaven. Yachtin oceans 11.

Armani

Eric Adorno was mistaken for a gang member because he wore a red football jersey.

Lacy Ferguson was shot to death after she and her boyfriend bought a pack of cigarettes.

Josue Huerta was winning his battle with cancer but lost his life to gang violence.

Ernestina “Tina” Tizoc was sitting at a picnic table when her maroon blouse caught the eye of neighborhood boys who favor blue.

And Manuel Rayas was shot, sniper-style, as he stood on the lawn at a birthday party while children jumped in an inflatable bounce house nearby.

All were killed in the never- ending turf wars waged by Norteños and Sureños in the Modesto area, but none belonged to a gang or provoked their attackers.

Innocent victims such as Adorno, Ferguson, Huerta, Tizoc and Rayas are in the minority, because most gang violence involves turf battles and personal vendettas in which one gang attacks another, prompting a cycle of retaliation.

But their deaths are proof that one need not engage in a risky lifestyle to be a victim of a gang crime. And when cases such as theirs end with guilty verdicts in Stanislaus County Superior Court, it is clear that the young men who pulled the trigger cut their own lives short, too.


Read more here: http://www.modbee.com/news/local/article3092979.html#storylink=cpy

PTSD MELTDOWNS 

It’s November 26th and I just had what we can call a meltdown.

I teach others to be aware of their triggers. It is helpful to learn what  triggers us; so we may then figure out how to recognize and manage our reactions to triggers.The purpose of understanding antecedents is: if we know what sets us off, we can gather the necessary weapons to battle these triggers. The best weapon is knowledge.

It’s complicated with multiple layers. So here’s what happened-I was having coffee and talking to my husband. We were discussing the effects of the Mestic violence on an unborn child. My lips started tingling that is an indication of me being triggered. So I told my husband I’m triggered right now. I don’t know what triggered me and so I’ll we backtrack to see what we were talking about and it turns out when we were talking about the accident with the violence on unborn children I have a flash back what my ex-husband did to me during two of my pregnancies and the associated emotions hit me remembering that I thought my children would be born dead.

And so good I located the trigger. And now I can add that to the list list of things that set me off. So to speak. Right so that’s a positive but I’m still triggered. So it’s still my buddies to reacting and I’m feeling out of control. So my husband gets up and he comes then he hugs me and my dog comes and she hugs me and we are in the ménage hug. It’s comforting it’s grounding right you’re mine picture body and your senses somewhere else if someone touches you can be comforting and grounding. But beware because sometimes someone with PTSD is triggered a touch can be the wrong thing to do.

So they’re hugging me and I’m talking I’m saying everything that I’m feeling and what I’m recognizing and then I realize my eyes were squeezed yet. And the whole time my eyes are shut and seeing what was done to me am I going to baby. When I realize this but I’m in a flashback I knew if I open my eyes I see where I really was sitting at the kitchen with my husband and dog cooking me.

So I open my eyes and take several deep breath still be returning to homeostasis. I laugh laugh and say fuck going to be primed all day. But Issac of busy doing things that I need to do the presentation we met at the buzzing sensation limited.