Stalked: Chapter 14


His Letters

My Dearest,
Hello, I fear you have read none of my letters. I have written 10 more but today I threw them away. Help me because I don’t understand some things.
Tom beat the shit out of you and you just left quietly. Sean never cared for you and took your $7000 and didn’t put you on the title of the house and you left quietly.
But I gave to us everything. Stuff nicer than you ever had before -dining, bedroom, and other furnishings. I started a new wardrobe myself for you and the kids but you want to take it all and not support or love me like you said.
Wow I wish I knew that principle. That if I beat you up and stole your money, I would at least have my possessions and wouldn’t have a betraying thief of a fiancé trying to put me away.
Is that how it works?
I don’t get it I could never hurt you. Is it that I just happened to be the Poor cracker schmuck you planned to use to make up for past losses. So you can tell your friends yeah he bought all the stuff and he actually believed me when I said I only wanted to him. Really, I just don’t get it but this I do know. I love you. I’m going to prove it. My attorney is ready to evict and get my possessions- all furnishings from you but I can’t do that.
Why? Because I love you I’m the only guy that loved you most and I am going to prove it even in my darkest hour. Believe me- me and my dark side would kinda like to see you go out and be on the streets again with only what you have brought.
But now that’s mean and especially for the kids they’re innocent. I want them to have a secure finished residence I love them and always will.

In the Bible there are translations of love is in four different words, I’d like to point out.
Philio brotherly love; for Philadelphia. City of brotherly love. It means: a deep, instinctive, personal affection. The other agape, divine love, the kind apostle Paul said husbands and wives should have for each other, and agape is the kind of word that describes God’s love for us. It means: a reasoning, intentional, deliberate, spiritual devotion.
It doesn’t originate in feelings or emotions; it is a deliberate act of love. A decision- you see you can’t love me. Because your acts of love include all your abandonment, lies, betrayal at the worst and most needy time. But I love you. Please take everything to maintain the household with all my blessings, adoration and kindness to provide for you all just as I intended to share with you.
I just want you to be happy, always tried to do that for you.
I will have my dad or other family members come for these things. They will call and plan with you. Don’t worry tell them of your betrayal because at this time they think you are the only one who ever loved me and are hoping to be grandparents -oh well still could be.
But let’s let them think happy thoughts of you until you testify anyway.

I really did a great deal for you and I always just wanted to make and keep you happy.
I will need these things and you need everything else. I never knew love before then you came. I really love you and I always will know that every time you sit on the chair, turn on the TV, sleep in my bed, hey i’m there for you. I really agape you and forgive all your dastardly treacherous betrayal. One more thing you will know I love you more and best and you will never know maybe always wonder how good it could have been. All you have to do is forgive me find out how good I really am maybe you won’t know till after you’ve gone through the trial of another relationship.
Yuck-giving yourself to another. Yuck! Have you really thought things through and done a comparative study?
You could save yourself so much pain. Just forgive and stay with me.
Oh well, oh well you haven’t listened to anything I’ve said yet. I probably am wasting use of my pencil here. Too bad so sad they say.
Well then here comes the you couldn’t have honestly loved me part-face it, you were looking for anything to find a reason to say we were null and void. That’s what you liked to say.
First guy comes along and you’re at the Elephant Bar. Not one shred of commitment or truth in you.
Looks like it anyway? I Could be wrong. I think you were mad, scared, confused and hurt. You see, I agape. I decided to love you even when you fail me-like now …that deliberate act decision. I want you happy.
Anyway regarding the stuff my dad will probably call please be nice and helpful okay? He never did anything to you and I told him you’re the greatest okay? Here is his number xxx-xxx-xxxx and he will call your cell number.
By the way just a tip on the kids. Please don’t yell at them so much. When they come to show you their work they want you -the most important person in their lives to fawn and complement them on their achievements. Even if your favorite TV shows are on-Just give them a moment. Trust me I love you. I love you so much. I just wish you were honest with me.

I need these things:
1. My truck and the stuff in the back
2. Plastic case with the red top look inside for videotapes. I won’t want them.
3. Any clothes even black dress coat on your side of the closet
4. All hats and shoes etc.
5. Any keys and personal effects on the nightstand and electric toothbrush
6. Two laptops one was in the truck other next to bed and their cases
Please pack stuff into two bags and load like this
1. Put plastic case in back of truck
2. Put luggage in back of truck or front seat
3. Lay clothes on the backseat starting with black dress coat
4. Computers on passenger floor one should be there now
5. Papers in envelope for my dad.
Also papers for stuff in hock:guitars Video equipment.
Please be civil and this would be better than legal action. This other attorney is nasty. I don’t want to do that he wants- to report truck stolen.

Plus the 56 Mercury. Why? You won’t fix it and it will be in your way and I’m going to make it my first project as soon as I’m out.
Who knows maybe I’ll drive it to you some day and toss the keys.
Whatever, I’m going to complete it and maybe show it at car shows for advertising. I may do customer upholstery and car renovations when I’m out.
I really want to finish the 56. My custom car friend said he’ll teach me. He has custom painted trucks and with my other knowledge I like to restore custom cars.
The 56 would be great advertising. Put it in shows etc. I’d give it back to you. I’d rather keep you and car but please let’s do this. You won’t get it finished before I can.
Anyway I’ve enclosed a picture I drew for me hoping you’d come on my birthday. I look at it every day but I now get sick of looking at it since what you promised was for me and the thought of you being with another makes me feel sick so you can have it. All the love, time, affection, money wasted, oh my I am sick. My life.
It is good I think my high school teacher said I was one of the most natural artist. She’d seen I quit Art. I haven’t drawn in 30 years not bad huh?
Maybe I’ll do more and get famous. Why don’t you mount it and see -it’s a one and only and the picture is in my memory anyway. I forget I struggle with faces but it’s pretty good I think. You really are the most beautiful woman in the world. Really. She used to be my girl.
You used to say I was perfect and I begged you not to say that. I knew I would do something and you’d never forgive me and I was right, but I could be close to perfect for you. We could do anything. No limits , no excuses. Only victories and success. You won’t be sorry I promise. I want to make you happy -let me.
By the way the only reason I want some of my stuff on the list is because you don’t want to have anything to do with me. And I don’t think I should finance your new relationship. Sorry, your call. I will at least need something right now -you have everything.
This was in essence
7 lies men tell women
by Brett Johnson
Page 174
Not one of the lies fit me but look at this.
1. Understand that even good guys sometimes lie. Men don’t want to hurt the woman they’re in love with, so a man will go way out of his way to create a new reality if he thinks it will keep him from looking as if he’s responsible for hurting her.

2. Don’t pay attention to what a man says. Pay attention to what he does. Look at what I’ve done. I’m completely trustworthy. There’s no reason to hold out. Try to believe. Hold on.
Hey change ID with someone and come see me. No one will know -you know all you blacks look alike in the eyes. come see we can talk you when I need this.

[Footnote: The only thing I care to set straight is his trying to make it seem as if I were desolate before he came and rescued me with a house, furnishings and clothing. He did not rescue me. I had my own things and residence. He did buy things but on his own accord. Many times when I bought something, he would give me the money for the item(s) because he wanted to be the one to buy it for me. I don’t know exactly what motivates his lies aside from his personality disorder. Oh… He was never my fiancé.]