There are five chapters remaining. Two of which contain the last of Dale’s letters.
His letters have a theme. People like Dale follow a theme. Their discourse is what makes them discernable to me. It makes them predictable and their predictability keeps me safe.
I finally realized individuals like Dale cannot be anything but what they are; and what they are is something we can’t take chances with; something we can’t give the benefit of doubt.
I want to help you recognize themes. The most outstanding of Dale’s are: He violated, California Penal Code 664, 187, Attempted Murder. . .Yet, his letters are all about the same thing; blaming, not taking personal responsibility and manipulation tactics.
Your eyes only.
You have done nothing for me to trust you but please, I must ask you this in complete trust: if you’re reading this…only you and I know about it. That means it has been successfully smuggled out and sent to you. The prosecution knows nothing of it keep it that way, okay?
Please do not tell anyone I sent this please. They will charge me with witness tampering. I was in court yesterday and discovered that your testimony is all they have on my case-of substance. Why? You said I talked about XXXXX(his ex) 1-1/2 years ago. They had nothing and they boasted of it. I am begging you to stop and think. Please cooperate with my defense when they call. The prosecution will know nothing until the trial. You may be able to spin what was said to keep me out of prison. Please be calm and work with me if only to let me see my kids grow up please.
Something happened I need you to take care of me. After all the care i provided for you. Now the only time I asked, for your help, so close to our goals, you’ve abandoned, betrayed, terminated and destroyed. Only you XXXXXX, because I’ve kept the faith even in jail, and prison I’ve tried to meet your needs. I could have met more but you failed to see me and know the provisions for you. I’ve enclosed a couple of thoughts from an essay may you enjoy. Please think of these things regarding us. Please no one else. I need you to keep this letter private. If you receive this and only you saw it and was snuck out properly. Your reporting of it would hurt even more people and me.
My Dearest XXXXXX,
Hello! You must think I’m obsessed with you. You’re right. I am. I mean really, for three years you and me then when I’m expecting you …nothing. You bet I’m up obsessed. I guess it might be different if I wasn’t in Jail. I could go on my way, and cry in private. Try moving on. But I’d still want to at least have you explain face-to-face. I was so looking forward to marriage this year. Wouldn’t New Year’s be great? I don’t know how you do it. To turn off so fast. It must not have been love. I can’t…all my hopes, dreams, love was with you. Were you just playing me…you know making for a better life? Here we were weeks from three years of work and you stepping out like that. I remember you said, Dale, promise you’ll never leave me. Don’t cheat on me. Everything else we can work out. I believed you! I also believe that you weren’t servicing XXXX(my ex boyfriend) The week I went to jail you said we already discussed that- you said no, I said you were and you said no. I just found out but it didn’t matter because I loved you and wanted needed and promise to be faithful. So I was and am.
Really XXXXXX, if I was a player who was interested in a kept woman-why the hell do I write, care, call? Don’t my actions tell you my heart and commitment? Just look really-who will drop everything any time to wait on you hand and foot. I did! Every day I think I spoiled you somewhat. You expected and didn’t give a shit if I help you some days but I did anyway because you needed me. You still do. I didn’t know if you got other letters so let me repeat something.
Im hearing things like, all the lies- well there is only these: one, I didn’t file for the divorce -why? Because I knew she would want money. I needed the trucks they didn’t come and I know you and I agreed to be together by the end of the year so I decided to keep stability with kids get my son graduated and ready for college, go on vacation, leave, then go do a quick divorce out-of-state. I’m thinking no big deal it’s better this way and that you will freak out if you knew but it’s the only-Because you said you didn’t want have baggage. So with checks I could seal the deal on the house for her and we settle in. I asked you to marry me in a beautifully planned scheme-beginning where we met.
So let’s review, you left because of two lies? Is that right?
Now maybe three the one where I saw Steve’s girl at a bathing suit competition only because I could not reach him for a week and he said he’d meet me there. I was there 20 minutes and left. I didn’t tell you because I knew you would freak. That’s it -what other lies are you talking about?
So this whole thing doesn’t make sense unless1. you lied 2. You really didn’t love me -love is patient and forgiving 3. you were scared trapped and threatened 4. You were lied to 5. you let someone else in who messed up the sanctity of our circle 6 you already had someone else.
And if the purpose was to keep you with baggage and from freaking out and because we’d be missing our goals to be together, then all would be as planned right. I would think so, but no! Something happened from here to here. What was it? Have you already been stepping out on me? I didn’t think so? Are we not within moments of what we wanted? I think so. Our goals were almost met -yep, then what in the world happened what could it be …I ask over and over. You never led me to believe there were any problems other than the strain of waiting. You didn’t care about money, house…just being together.
Well here I am where are you? Okay my case well they had speculation mistruths, lies, conjecture-then you. What are you doing? Let me ask, let’s say George was in trouble, would you stick up for George? Yep. Then how come you can’t for the man you said was your man-who worked work so hard to make these transitions possible for us to be together. We slept together. And now im at the cliff and you want to push me over I don’t get it.
I’m just trying to figure out how all that we wanted and worked for could screw up so bad from here to there. Had I not try to protect you and our secret? I would have explained more at our last visit. I told you there’s more and come back and I’ll tell you. Now there’s still more, the business in Hawaii and farming in Central Valley. I wasn’t at liberty to tell you. So there. How can you help me make sense of this. Doesn’t what I was doing make sense for you and us? If you knew the rest, the stuff I said I can tell, you would understand more but now you’ve pissed our dreams.
It just doesn’t figure, anyway ramblings of an old man who you made believe in love and sacrifice all only to be rejected and betrayed at Loves finest hour. Hello. I love you, and forgive you and hope you can forgive me. You made me feel that there was no way of losing you.
Blessings on you my dearest. Oh, the order-so you never want to see me again? Is that it? Such hate, animosity and psycho revenge. I can’t see or believe you were capable but here we are. Again help me understand please? Love to you always. God’s best. And many blessings my dearest.
I have become an insatiable reader. 52 books. I average 400 pages a day. Man I never took the time since college. I just finished one that makes me think of us.