More letters following the restraining order.
The order that you filled out should read something like-
The accused Fred Dale Beck is guilty of loving me Tamika Lopez completely with remorse and with great sacrifice. The few love spats we encountered-were all started by me with him trying to control my rage. I hurt him more than he ever hurt me and we always made up and were closer to one another, aware of each other’s failings- I however, because of a past abusive relationship have confused facts. Because Mr. Beck loved to lay with me every night, to tuck me into bed- even if I was asleep- he checked on my every need and made sure the house was safe every night and fixed everything in the house. His love was unending, even now while I accuse him and his heart is willing to ensure my every happiness. My idle but serious threats against him are many while he has never threatened me. The only time that came close to a stalking incident is when he followed me because I was going out drinking and smoking pot and with my night blindness he followed me to his house he so graciously provided for my welfare. Truly this man cared for my every part even when my wrists plagued me he kept me from working till I could resume my duties and begin work full time for him- really, Fred Dale Beck is guilty of loving me better than any man before and probably ever despite our disagreements. We spent thousands of meals- hundreds of nights-scores of restaurants- dozens of ventures all with my first desires at his concern. He truly loved me-that Tamika is more like the truth.
[Footnote: Dale did fix everything that needed fixing around the house.]
I’ll never know why unless you come see your puppy and tell him to his age stained face-
This man who gave love one last shot during the last of his prime to one who wouldn’t hop on to true love and truth in connection.
You will undoubtedly go from man to man every few years searching- but you will never find one who loved like me. So sad- I’m unique bad and good-and you will always wish you knew how good our dreams could have come true- I only wish you could forgive me as I have always been quick to ask when I make mistakes. I love you and bless you- with no malice or resentment. Please forgive me! I do you!
God bless you and thank you for making an old man believe even if it was a lie- you were great! You really had me. I wish you would say goodbye- consider these words- believe the truth in my love for you and dreams shared- I will go back to thinking a few weeks ago.
I love you always
You know being with you was like going home. You were my only safe place to be totally real. A honest place to call home. A place of secrets, desires, hopes, dreams. A place of hope, love, acceptance. No rejection- always belonging. You did that for me-I guess now I’m homeless in every way.
I’m realizing you’ll probably never see me again- even to say good bye ( which is what I hoped for).
I’ll tell the plan-
1. To take xxxxx (ex-wife) and kids to Hawaii 7/30-8/10 (I think, can’t remember) for our last vacation-return-talk to her about our stuff, house etc-file by 25th of August.
2. We get started on Harvest America business-transfer-seeing if the guys would want me in a back seat role or change the whole leadership and plan for last outreach, September 13th I think in Crescent City.
3. Have limo pick you up on the 17th-take you to where we met and ask you to marry me- go to Davis for a couple days and finish song.
4. People I was supposed to meet in Hawaii for future business opportunity.
I still don’t know what happened to 7/30/02. I really don’t. I told you so however. I kept all this at bay because I thought this would all be over by now. Really, I could never hurt anybody- you know that.
I went to Central Valley twice.
1. work with funeral home in Sacto but oversee farming operation in hot house two days a week. New not approved FDA product, much $.
2. I left provisions for you hidden in my truck(thus the excruciating request to have you see me so I could explain how to find. It’s forever lost I’m afraid-would have met all your needs-was also expecting check from friends(that’s why the joint acct). You would be set and you could help out xxxxx(ex wife) and the kids with some $.
3. We go to Hawaii 12/26-1/3 for post Christmas and our new year.
4. Crop comes in by end of March, paid by April 15th. Mucho $.
5. Sept 1st outdoor crop.
6. Meanwhile we marry after divorce is final on the 9th. I can’t remember-no calendar here.
So that’s a thumbnail- I thought you could work with that- I was going to ask you by our anniversary, September 17th, which you said was important.
There’s much more and I could if you would indulge for old times sake. Anyway, we’d be set.
Oh well, there’s stuff I couldn’t say before- business and such.
I love you. Take care and please consider coming by to say hi and bye.