Stalked: Chapter 9

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I met the investigator from the District Attorney’s office at the Mountain Mikes Pizzeria located across the street from my job at Advance America.
The investigator was apathetic and immediately acquainted me with his sentiment: he wasn’t fucking around.
He approached me as if I were a mendacious individual. I suppose his style was felicitous; presuming most people he investigated were dishonest, requiring his impassive style. I didn’t.

I have never been in trouble with the law and didn’t associate with humans, family or otherwise, who had criminal proclivities. Nevertheless, there I was at Mountain Mike’s, sitting across from an investigator who was making cold threats; referencing things that could possible happen if I refused to cooperate.

The investigator softened when he realized I aimed to cooperate. I delivered my account successionally. I told him everything from how Dale and I met; how he said he was separated and divorcing; how he became controlling and abusive; how he vented about his then wife and how the venting progressed into ideas about how to get rid of her.
I expressed concern over what Dale would do to me if he were to be released. The investigator assured me,”He is not getting out. He isn’t going anywhere.”
I was instructed to turn over all mail I received from Dale. I was informed Dale has been warned to cease and desist contact with me; he was told any further contact would be deemed, Tampering With A Witness and he would be prosecuted accordingly.
Dale did not stop writing.

Letter #5
Dearest XXXXXX (Me),
My parents just visited and told me you spoke with Marty (brother) a month ago- I never knew till today. You told him we are over and I found that you gave stuff to XXXXXXX (Sheriff)…what else?
XXXXX, why? I thought you loved me? You know I loved you-still do! How could you so easily be through? Unless you never loved me. Why did you play me? Why are you caving into people who want to destroy me? XXXXXXX(Sheriff)
is the most cunning son of a bitch. I know. Did you ever love me or was I a target? I thought I could trust you! You sounded so tough “I’ll lie my ass off!” Well why all the lies.
I tried to love and trust again only to face the worst nightmare of Betrayal by anyone. You’ve got me so screwed up-I still love you-
Shit-whats wrong with me-How can I be so sure in my heart you are the one when it looks like you wouldn’t piss on my teeth if my face was on fire!?
Why XXXXXX-why did you cut me out so fast and not try?
My family so wants to believe that you really loved me and was willing to help for my love for you-they thought you must really be something for me to risk all for you-
Why can’t you please be -that someone you fooled me to believe in? Why XXXXXX?
My family would support you and us?why can’t you believe in love-real love, XXXXXX-why can’t you believe in you and me?
XXXXX(ex-wife and his victim) is still lying to save face-saying to people we never separated. Anything to make me look worse and you…you are believing it!
Why didn’t you feel it was real or were you looking for a schmuck to play? Did you play me all this time? Because it worked-I’m head over heels-I can’t imagine life without you, XXXXXX-you must NEVER have loved me if you can go on without me. Why did you pick to ruin me? Imprison me? You XXXXXX are the only person I loved like this and I don’t know what’s going on. You’ve cut me out at the worst time. I tried to juggle all the responsibilities to keep you. I never lied about the most important thing. I want to spend the rest of my days with the most beautiful woman in the world. Your love and our love. XXXXXX, I’ve travelled the world and done a lot of things but the most important thing in this life is love-true love and I true love you. I thought you did me too. I thought I found it-found you-you were it!
XXXXXX, if the roles were reversed I’d be writing you everyday- coming to see you every chance-doing all I could to keep you. But you made me believe we had that kind of love-but look-you seized the opportunity to get out-flush our dreams-defy our oaths to one another and seal my doom..why?
Why didn’t you really love me like you made me believe you did?
Why?
Didn’t you believe in me and my love for you? Why not? Look at the time, money, heart, energy I spent. All for you, so I was confused and didn’t know when to do it all right-but I thought I was doing it right. You told me I was and that you must have me forever.
I did have a plan-the trucks-now an alternative plan. Believe me, XXXXXX.
If you ever really loved me, if you really could be a stand by your man type of woman, if you have a glimmer of affection and believe what we are to be true..then PLEASE, PLEASE help me believe that my life’s quest to find true love was real and not some kind of sick joke played on me by a gold digging whore who can’t wait to find another cock with money to take her to another level. What did you say regarding XXXX(my ex-boyfriend) “He was good for me for that time.” I said, please don’t ever say that about me-I want to be good for you all the time-forever.
Don’t you get it? Don’t you see you have a price to pay too? What have you paid? XXXXXX, really, what, compare that with me and what am I doing-still hanging on to love and the hope that it can be real.
Are you only interested in a good condition? Conditional love? If all is rosy you stay-1st sign of trouble you leave?
Well if you hate me please try to at least help me out of this shit-they are waving speculation and stuff that my attorney says could not hurt me until YOU gave info-I still don’t know all you’ve done. I can’t believe you would do this to anyone-especially me. While you sit in my house on my furniture and all my blessings while you try to imprison me and here I write of love. Can’t you see. Love is the most important. I’d never had it (I thought) till you. did I? did we? Could I? Could we? HELP ME PLEASE! I have a great plan for me or us, but I need your help. I love you regardless. Just be true.
D
[Footnote: This letter reminds me of the piece I wrote about how to recognize personality disordered humans. Take note of the lack of consistency and the way he takes no responsibility for what he has done. As a matter of fact he completely ignores the fact that he has done something horrendous. He repeatedly asks “Why?” He wants to know why I did all these things to him; but he is the one who lied and tried to murder a human being. He does not acknowledge I may not want to be with someone who is violent; someone with the propensity to murder. While he is professing his love he is also disciplining me the way he used to. He is attempting to exert control via written correspondence. He is chastising me and making soft threats. I wonder if the lay person is able to recognize the manipulation tactics and threats. He is trying to make me feel guilty for my actions (cooperating with the prosecution) while he is painting himself as a victim. Things are being done to him. He wanted me to defend myself against his accusations. If I defended myself it would illustrate to him; he still had control over me. He wanted to know if I used him; he stated I was turning against him while living in his house. The house I resided in was in my name. I rented it. He did purchase some furnishings. He was not wealthy by any means. The threat: He tells me I have a price to pay. The DA’s office was so alarmed by Dale’s letters, they issued an order of protection.]

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