Monthly Archives: June 2016

Stalked: Chapter 9

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I met the investigator from the District Attorney’s office at the Mountain Mikes Pizzeria located across the street from my job at Advance America.
The investigator was apathetic and immediately acquainted me with his sentiment: he wasn’t fucking around.
He approached me as if I were a mendacious individual. I suppose his style was felicitous; presuming most people he investigated were dishonest, requiring his impassive style. I didn’t.

I have never been in trouble with the law and didn’t associate with humans, family or otherwise, who had criminal proclivities. Nevertheless, there I was at Mountain Mike’s, sitting across from an investigator who was making cold threats; referencing things that could possible happen if I refused to cooperate.

The investigator softened when he realized I aimed to cooperate. I delivered my account successionally. I told him everything from how Dale and I met; how he said he was separated and divorcing; how he became controlling and abusive; how he vented about his then wife and how the venting progressed into ideas about how to get rid of her.
I expressed concern over what Dale would do to me if he were to be released. The investigator assured me,”He is not getting out. He isn’t going anywhere.”
I was instructed to turn over all mail I received from Dale. I was informed Dale has been warned to cease and desist contact with me; he was told any further contact would be deemed, Tampering With A Witness and he would be prosecuted accordingly.
Dale did not stop writing.

Letter #5
Dearest XXXXXX (Me),
My parents just visited and told me you spoke with Marty (brother) a month ago- I never knew till today. You told him we are over and I found that you gave stuff to XXXXXXX (Sheriff)…what else?
XXXXX, why? I thought you loved me? You know I loved you-still do! How could you so easily be through? Unless you never loved me. Why did you play me? Why are you caving into people who want to destroy me? XXXXXXX(Sheriff)
is the most cunning son of a bitch. I know. Did you ever love me or was I a target? I thought I could trust you! You sounded so tough “I’ll lie my ass off!” Well why all the lies.
I tried to love and trust again only to face the worst nightmare of Betrayal by anyone. You’ve got me so screwed up-I still love you-
Shit-whats wrong with me-How can I be so sure in my heart you are the one when it looks like you wouldn’t piss on my teeth if my face was on fire!?
Why XXXXXX-why did you cut me out so fast and not try?
My family so wants to believe that you really loved me and was willing to help for my love for you-they thought you must really be something for me to risk all for you-
Why can’t you please be -that someone you fooled me to believe in? Why XXXXXX?
My family would support you and us?why can’t you believe in love-real love, XXXXXX-why can’t you believe in you and me?
XXXXX(ex-wife and his victim) is still lying to save face-saying to people we never separated. Anything to make me look worse and you…you are believing it!
Why didn’t you feel it was real or were you looking for a schmuck to play? Did you play me all this time? Because it worked-I’m head over heels-I can’t imagine life without you, XXXXXX-you must NEVER have loved me if you can go on without me. Why did you pick to ruin me? Imprison me? You XXXXXX are the only person I loved like this and I don’t know what’s going on. You’ve cut me out at the worst time. I tried to juggle all the responsibilities to keep you. I never lied about the most important thing. I want to spend the rest of my days with the most beautiful woman in the world. Your love and our love. XXXXXX, I’ve travelled the world and done a lot of things but the most important thing in this life is love-true love and I true love you. I thought you did me too. I thought I found it-found you-you were it!
XXXXXX, if the roles were reversed I’d be writing you everyday- coming to see you every chance-doing all I could to keep you. But you made me believe we had that kind of love-but look-you seized the opportunity to get out-flush our dreams-defy our oaths to one another and seal my doom..why?
Why didn’t you really love me like you made me believe you did?
Why?
Didn’t you believe in me and my love for you? Why not? Look at the time, money, heart, energy I spent. All for you, so I was confused and didn’t know when to do it all right-but I thought I was doing it right. You told me I was and that you must have me forever.
I did have a plan-the trucks-now an alternative plan. Believe me, XXXXXX.
If you ever really loved me, if you really could be a stand by your man type of woman, if you have a glimmer of affection and believe what we are to be true..then PLEASE, PLEASE help me believe that my life’s quest to find true love was real and not some kind of sick joke played on me by a gold digging whore who can’t wait to find another cock with money to take her to another level. What did you say regarding XXXX(my ex-boyfriend) “He was good for me for that time.” I said, please don’t ever say that about me-I want to be good for you all the time-forever.
Don’t you get it? Don’t you see you have a price to pay too? What have you paid? XXXXXX, really, what, compare that with me and what am I doing-still hanging on to love and the hope that it can be real.
Are you only interested in a good condition? Conditional love? If all is rosy you stay-1st sign of trouble you leave?
Well if you hate me please try to at least help me out of this shit-they are waving speculation and stuff that my attorney says could not hurt me until YOU gave info-I still don’t know all you’ve done. I can’t believe you would do this to anyone-especially me. While you sit in my house on my furniture and all my blessings while you try to imprison me and here I write of love. Can’t you see. Love is the most important. I’d never had it (I thought) till you. did I? did we? Could I? Could we? HELP ME PLEASE! I have a great plan for me or us, but I need your help. I love you regardless. Just be true.
D
[Footnote: This letter reminds me of the piece I wrote about how to recognize personality disordered humans. Take note of the lack of consistency and the way he takes no responsibility for what he has done. As a matter of fact he completely ignores the fact that he has done something horrendous. He repeatedly asks “Why?” He wants to know why I did all these things to him; but he is the one who lied and tried to murder a human being. He does not acknowledge I may not want to be with someone who is violent; someone with the propensity to murder. While he is professing his love he is also disciplining me the way he used to. He is attempting to exert control via written correspondence. He is chastising me and making soft threats. I wonder if the lay person is able to recognize the manipulation tactics and threats. He is trying to make me feel guilty for my actions (cooperating with the prosecution) while he is painting himself as a victim. Things are being done to him. He wanted me to defend myself against his accusations. If I defended myself it would illustrate to him; he still had control over me. He wanted to know if I used him; he stated I was turning against him while living in his house. The house I resided in was in my name. I rented it. He did purchase some furnishings. He was not wealthy by any means. The threat: He tells me I have a price to pay. The DA’s office was so alarmed by Dale’s letters, they issued an order of protection.]

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LIFE: ONE WISH, chapter 10

by Allison Ash

 

If I had one wish, it would be to wake up and be ten years old again. I’d make different decisions if I could go back. I would of taken better care of my two best friends who I lost to car accidents. I’d also make a different choice about being with my first baby momma so I would of never ended up in jail. 


My name is Reuben. Im a 38 year old, Hispanic man; born and raised in Los Angeles, but now living in San Bernadino, California. Im a supervisor at a plant where we build surgical instruments. I worked my way up from the bottom without having a high school diploma or GED.

I dropped out of high school right after I turned 18 because my ex, who I previously referred to as “first baby momma,” got pregnant. I started working at a young age and never had time to go back to school. I took an online course a few years ago for a diploma but my job told me it wasn’t valid. They aren’t requiring me to have a diploma since I’ve worked for them 16 years already. 

by Erica Wholdmann

 

I once loved my job but now I hate getting up to go to work and I hate my job with a passion because as a supervisor, it seems like I’m going to a daycare instead of a job. 

I used to like being a supervisor and it was okay until management started making changes at work, which put more stress on employees as well as myself. Management there really sucks. They make a lot of changes that arent really to help out, but to make things more difficult. A lot of times managers ask me for advice and it’s so stressful having to do my job and theirs. On top of that,they don’t give me support when I need it. 


So far the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that jail is not a place for me since I was in there before I had this job. I went to jail for statutory rape because when I was in high school, I was 17 and my girlfriend was 14. I was 17 when she got pregnant and when I turned 18, she was 15 and my daughter was born a few months later. When we found out she was pregnant I dropped out of school and went to work. When the baby was born they locked me up because my girlfriend, my child’s mother, was a minor. I’m 90 percent sure it was my girlfriends mother who pressed charges. I was in jail for three weeks. When I was released I was given three years probation, restitution fines, community service and had to take sexual education classes. She and I are four years apart. It was confusing because her parents didn’t try to keep us apart. Although, they were upset at first…but then they’d let me stay overnight at their house.

by Photography 2k

After jail, school was still an option, but I thought working full time was more important to be able to take care of me, my ex and our daughter. Before I dropped out of high school I met my current wife. We were friends and got along very well. We kept in touch, when I got locked up and she gave me lots of support and eventully I fell for her. 

by Zedu

My ex  would threaten me: she’d say if I ever left her or cheated on her she would lie to the cops and say I was having sex with her when I was not supposed to up until she was 18. Her parents would leave me alone with her in their own house while I was supposed to have adult supervision when around her,like when I would go over to see her and our daughter. 

by Mxgza

My ex felt she had control of everything. So all that got to me and I felt I couldn’t make a living with her. Once she even tried to stab me in front of her mom because I had female friends. It got old very quickly and I turned to the one who was always there, my wife. 

by One Network

Once I decided to leave me ex for my wife it was very bad. There was drama almost every other day. It was just too much. I even went and got a restraining order so she couldn’t say I was going over to see her. 

by Wave Your Sage

My wife always thought I was still meeting up with my ex, because my ex would call and tell her I was there when I wasn’t. I would be at work. I had to bring my time cards to my wife as proof so she could trust me. Because of the lack of trust, I am where I’m at now; separated and unsure if I want to stay married. I feel like I won’t ever be happy with her anymore and I feel like I don’t care about what she thinks or feels anymore. It started with the trust issues which turned me off. After I was turned off she gained more weight ( I like the girls to be somewhat in shape or at least smaller than me where I can lift them off their feet).  If we weren’t dealing with the trust problems, maybe
I wouldn’t mind the weight gain, or I would of have brought it up to her sooner or later and let her know that I would prefer if she took care of herself. I have cheated on my wife, but I have never been caught. I don’t know if she has cheated on me. She may have and I would never know. Yes, her suspicions are correct now but they weren’t before.

by Katrin

Marriage…well I guess I learned I should of been more open about things and not hold things in just because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

by Meela

My relationship with my kids is good. I have my daughter with my ex and a son and daughter with my wife. I spend a lot more time with my son since we are both into cars, but I’ve been looking for something to do with my girls as well. My first daughter with my ex works now, so I dont see her as much, but we stay in touch a lot.

by John Eallen

As of now, I can say I’m passionate about cars. I like going to car events and seeing cars drifting which is what I’m trying to do myself with my son.

by The Untold Wish

I’m grateful to have support. I was raised by both of my parents together. They have always been there for me and they still are, even after going through my separation with the wife which is still in the process of being finalized.

A Travail Monday 

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Several hours ago I exited a coffee house in dire straits. The antecedent to my agony isn’t important right now. It was the sort of anguish that subsides into obsolesce when one realizes solace will not arrive.

I sat in my car which was parked lateral to the coffee house. I sat there and admired the day, the weather and passersby. While perched on my drivers seat; with window down; I began to hear a series of unremitting squalls. Initially I thought it was the sound of a cat in heat, or a cat stuck in a place it had grown curious about, or an injured animal of a different sort altogether.
I exited my vehicle to see if I could help the grief stricken animal. That’s when I realized the screams came from the mouth of an old Chinese woman who sat in the passenger seat of a car parked on the street in front of me.

I approached the old woman’s car. She didn’t see me, but I saw her mouth open and devoid of teeth; and her tongue twisting and turning about. She looked to be about 95 years old.
I spoke,”Are you okay?”
The woman turned her head ever so slowly until she faced me. I thought,’Oh boy. She doesn’t understand nor speak English.’ My assumptions were incorrect. She had a very sweet voice. She responded,”Yes. I’m okay.”
I asked,”Are you sure? Because you’re screaming.”
She told me she was okay and after staring at each other for a few minutes, she turned away from me. I stood there and watched her. I stepped closer and attempted to discern whether she was wounded or bleeding. She didn’t look hurt. I was left with the impression someone had driven her there and dumped her so that they might have a few hours of respite. They left her.

It was a beautiful day. I decided to walk from the coffee house to a park I noticed while standing beside the old woman’s car. The park was a mere block away.

When I entered the park I saw man sitting there with his bicycle and belongings. I decided to impose my presence upon him. The man was listening to a voice that made me cringe via a handheld radio.
I asked him,”You like Rush Limbaugh?” The man looked toward me and decreased the volume of his radio. He then looked at me expectantly and I repeated my inquiry with a smile. The man said,”It’s not that I like him. I just think he’s honest. He’s not lying about what he’s saying. I’m like a lie detector.” I nodded to indicate I was listening and understood. After our exchange he turned the volume back up and I cringed.
He listened to his radio and smoked. I took pictures and journaled. A short while later he stood and with his left arm outstretched he asked,”You smoke weed?” Inside I felt delighted. I laughed and said,”No.” He shrugged and brought the joint to his lips.
Approximately 15 minutes passed before he began packing things into his knapsack. He said goodbye. I watched him cycle away and walked to my car. The vehicle with the screaming old woman was gone.

CONNECTED: Father Figure, chapter 7 (by C.G.)

 

http://instagram.com/shockingart

  

As my wedding approaches I think about all the traditional portions of a wedding: being walked down the aisle and the father-daughter dance that will not take place. 

Maybe I should start from the beginning. I am the youngest of my father’s three children, by three different women. However, I am my mother’s only child. My father passed away a few months shy of me turning 11 years old. I always think of the line from Tupacs song “Dear Mama” in which he says, “No love from my daddy cause the coward wasn’t there. He passed away and I didn’t cry cuz my anger wouldn’t let me feel for a stranger. They say I’m wrong and I’m heartless, but all along I was looking for a father he was gone”.

I remember the day so vividly. My mom came into my room and told me that she got a call from a family friend, who was told that my father passed away. My mom asked if I needed anything and I told her that I wanted to be by myself. I turned my radio on and Maria Carey’s “Hero” was playing. Hearing that song triggers emotions and memories from that day and I still can’t listen to the entire song. 

For years I was angry with my father because I could not understand why he was never around or didn’t come around, but now he had a reason. He was dead.

 

http://instagram.com/shockingart

 

 I used to cry thinking about my wedding day and what I was going to miss out on. The prayers of my mother worked because unlike many young girls that sought out a father or father figures in negative ways (drinking, overly sexualized, and being mistreated in relationships) I channeled my focus on not being a product of my environment. I was raised by a single mother and surrounded by all strong, black, single mother’s who said they didn’t need a man and were the mother and father to their children. Even though my grandfather was around it was very clear that my grandmother was in charge.  

My mother was in a relationship with a Man that loved me as if I was his own, but he could never fill the void I had for my father. I remember returning home from a summer vacation and he was gone. No explanation, no goodbye, just gone. This hurt me deeply. I began to distort that he left because of me. Oh, did I forget to mention that a few months before my father passed away, my favorite uncle died, then my father passed, my mother’s boyfriend left, and then my paternal grandfather passed away. This all happened before my 11th birthday.

 I think at this point I developed the idea that all men leave or if they do come around they don’t stay for very long. I developed trust issues, especially with men. We started to attend church that same year as well and it seemed to be beneficial to closing that void. It was the following year that I met my two best friends (sisters) who both had fathers in their lives. It was an odd, yet eye opening experience for me to see a father and daughter relationship in action. Once their fathers learned of my father’s death they graciously accepted me as their own. It took me several years before I could actually call them dad because I never had to use the word before and honestly it felt weird to say. 

My growing relationships with my new fathers pushed me into no longer wanting to be angry with my biological father. At the age of 25 years old I began to ask questions about my father from various family members. It was this information that slowly closed the void of not having him around. I became more empathetic as I learned more about his childhood, lack of relationship with his biological father, and volatile relationship with his stepfather. Did my father love his children? Yes! Do I think he wanted the best for his children? Yes! However, how was he supposed to be a father figure when he was given very little guidance from the beginning? 

With this knowledge I begin to mourn my father for the first time in 25 years. He was a person and even though we didn’t have a relationship, I miss him. 

Now back to my upcoming wedding. My brother in-law has accepted the role of walking me down the aisle. I have decided to attach my father’s picture to my bouquet so that he will be a part of the occasion and my mother and I will have a mother-daughter dance. 

Fathers or father figures play a very large role in a young girl/woman’s life. They show you how to be respected, loved, treated, and most importantly they are a big part of your self-esteem. My father figures have helped me to see this and I am forever grateful for their willingness to practically raise a child that was not theirs. It was because of my relationship with them that I was able to trust and find my future husband. I look forward to giving my future children something I never had as a small child, A Father.

 

http://instagram.com/shockingart

 

Cigarettes Cheaper: life lessons in the line of duty

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In 1995 I worked for an enterprise called, Cheaper: a gas station, grocery /liquor store establishment.
I was one of two woman employed there with six men. The company was a chain. Cheaper isn’t around any longer. Either they changed their name or a company called Tower Mart bought them out; because all the former Cheaper locations are now Tower Mart.

I was 24 years old when I interviewed and was subsequently hired by Cheaper. I completed a pre-employment drug test during the hiring process. The drug test was a hair test and the company sent a person to my home to collect the hair sample. I considered the entire process very peculiar.

I don’t think the drug test was completed because when I was 24 years old I smoked marijuana like the dickens. Although, I hadn’t smoked for approximately six weeks before submitting to drug testing; the gentleman who was sent to gather the hair sample told me the company preferred hair tests because it shows what a person has had in their system for six to eight months.

I worked at the Cheaper located on the corner of Madison Avenue and Jackson street in Sacramento, California. The manager there was, Robbie. Robbie was a six foot tall, balding, olive skinned man who had zero teeth and walked with a limp.
I see Robbie every now and again. He works at a local post office, wears a wig and false teeth.

I worked with a man named Dan. Dan was a bigot. He called me “BB,” which stood for black bitch; he called my friend names like Nancy or Susan because he is gay. In addition to being a bigot, Dan was also a chauvinist…which isn’t shocking. Chauvinism and bigotry often go hand in hand.

One co-worker named Sid worked in the freezer; yet was always sweating. I was naive then and didn’t know much about drugs (except Maryjane). I learned Sid was in the freezer for hours, sweating, because he was high on amphetamines.

John was an interesting bloke. White male in his late 30s. John was married to a Latina woman and they had seven children. He was handsome as long as he wasn’t talking. The things he said were off-putting and so were his six or seven missing teeth.
Teeth: a theme in the area where I worked. There were droves of people with missing teeth; missing limbs; many gays and lesbians and drug users/abusers.
John flirted with everyone and had sex with them too. Or rather he told tales about the way he seduced female customers.
His sex tales appeared to be non-fiction; evidenced by the way certain lady customers looked for him and by the way his girthy wife came in looking for him; called looking for him and made a scene in the store once or twice having to be subdued by our armed security guard.
John didn’t bother me much. He teased me a little here and there.

I worked with a man named Tom who was a very short (Danny DeVito); older white male in his early fifties. Tom was preoccupied with large breasts and perhaps pretending to be heterosexual. Tom was not a nice person. He was mean spirited. The type of mean exhibited by people who are miserable with themselves and therefore strove to make others miserable.

I met a good friend of mine while working at Cheaper. George, a larger than life Italian (gay) stallion. We had a lot of fun working and endured Dan’s abuse together. We are still friends and see each other regularly.

I rarely saw Maria, my female cohort. Maria was a plump, five foot tall woman in her late forties. She was quiet and jittery.

And then there was Harland.
Harland liked to fondle me when I was tasked to stock shelves. He’d put his arm around my shoulder and rest his hand on my breast. Usually my right breast. The first time I thought his hand landed on my breast by accident.
Harland was a married white male who was six ft three and in his late 60’s. I initially gave him the benefit of doubt; but found he would lurk (only God knows where) waiting for me to stock shelves. Once I stepped from behind my cash register and entered one of the aisles, Harland would swoop upon me like a hawk.

At that age, 24, I suspected there were consequences to snitching. I told my boss, Robbie on him. My boss appeared stressed by my disclosure, but said he would talk to Harland.

This is where I learned, as a WOMAN, sometimes standing up for HERSELF yields additional battles; leads to questioning HERSELF and affects HER core. It also leads to HER having to decide whether SHE is worth the fight.

Several days after telling my manager about Harland;I received a call on my day off. From that call I learned my supervisor, Robbie,had been transferred to a different location and replaced by Tom. It was Tom who phoned me on my day off to say, “It seems like you don’t want to work here anymore. So you don’t need to come in anymore.”
When I asked him to explain, he just repeated the same two sentences in a stepford/robotic manner.

I called headquarters. The person who answered the phone knew me and spoke to me as if he’d known me; like he’s been watching me for years. It was alarming and creepy.
I was speaking to one of the owners. The man pretty much reiterated what the new manager, Tom, relayed. In a nutshell. I was being fired. I wanted him to come out and say I was fired but he would not. The onus was placed on me. I was the one who didn’t want to work there anymore. The sense I got was: they had a zero tolerance policy for snitching…on pervs.

I saw Harland numerous times after cheaper released me. Usually in other grocery stores. My impulse was to evade him (obviously). Sometimes I couldn’t escape him and he’d approach me to say hello. I would just look at him. I couldn’t get away from him. He would block my path. The first time I ran into him; he smiled and said,”It’s ok. I understand. I’m not mad at you.” I knew he was referring to my reporting him for touching me inappropriately.
In that moment I understood he was a predator and wondered how many victims he’d accumulated during his lifetime.

After being released from Cheaper, I retained a lawyer. Eighteen months later I stopped fighting. It’s exhausting to fight when you are the one wronged.

Every time I don’t stand up for myself I think about where I would be if people never took a stand; if there was never a civil rights movement; if I could not vote; if I couldn’t marry who I wanted…
Ironically, as a social worker, I take a stand, advocate and help others routinely.

I worked for cheaper nearly three years. It was an eye opening experience. While working there I was called “nigger” for the first time in my life(to my face) by a mentally Ill woman who looked like she escaped an institution. She looked wild!! She appeared to be in her thirties and was in the store with her mother who apologized for her daughter, explaining,”She was raped by a black man.”
Cheaper was packed during this woman’s outburst. The wild woman ran up to me, pointed her finger in my face and screamed “NIGGER!!” as loud as she could, several times, until her mother approached wrapping her arms around her daughter to calm her.
The wild woman dropped to the ground and started crying. All eyes were on me. I saw a black man in line and wondered why the wild woman included me in her rage and not him. Either way; chin up and back to work I went.

Also, while working at cheaper I had been hit on by many, many, many people. One evening I was in an aisle and a woman approached me from behind. She violated the law of personal space as I felt her enormous breasts upon my back. She whispered, lips brushing against my ear,”Let me just fuck you one time.” I turned slowly to face her. Slow and steady to avoid provoking an attack; and said,”No thank you.”

There was another woman who came in nightly; and nightly she invited me to come over for a cocktail (minus the cock) after work.

The men were very complimentary. One day a man told me,”You’re awful pretty for a colored girl. Usually they have big lips and look like monkeys.” I thanked him. The customers always right.

Life. You may as well prevail; the lessons aren’t going to stop.

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MONSTERS: A Collage Of You, chapter 6

  

I could tell you hundreds of things but this is the most important quote to me; “We can and we will only see when we are ready to see it.”

Here are the stages he will put you through:  

The Over-evaluation Phase

A Narcissist is very careful when choosing a target. Typically, they will choose a victim based on their status. They must be attractive, popular, rich or extremely gifted in some area. The greater the status, the higher the value the Narcissist places on the Supply derived.

The Devaluation Stage

The Over-Evaluation phase, if you’re dealing with a Somatic Narcissist, usually lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months, just long enough for the Narcissist to be confident that they have secured their target’s love and devotion. Unbeknownst to the target, what they were witnessing in the early phase was the Narcissist’s false self. In this second phase, the mask comes off and the Narcissist starts to reveal their true colours.

The Discard Phase

It is almost baffling to watch the ease at which a Narcissist can pull away from his partners. Many targets are left asking themselves, “Did he ever love me? Did I mean anything to him?” The simple answer is no. No one means anything to him. Women are only a means to an end – to obtain the much needed Narcissistic Supply. Once your usefulness has run its course, you will be discarded abruptly and cruelly, without warning.

Savannah Grey

 The most important thing for victims is to know that it was never about them. That it’s not their fault. That he does this to all the women in his life. If they understand this, the healing gets much easier!

By Exposing The Narcopath

Click ⬇️ to visit her Instagram http://instagram.com/exposing_the_narcopaths

 

His proclaiming of love was the enchanting spell, his words of praise and adoration tantalizing my mind and tasting like such sweet seductive wine. I drink up every drop knowing I really should have stopped. But what’s one more after those little blues that I’ve already popped? It’s all the same in his sick addicting twisted game. Oh how I love the way he whispers my name…He says let your demons go, they’ll never really be tamed. Just join me on this ride one last time, let me claim you to be mine. Now take my hand, and let me show you your very own version of Wonderland. I promise it will be grand. Click ⬇️ to check out her Instagram: http://instagram.com/narcissistic_sociopath_musings

 

Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers

It’s about secret things. The Destructive Narcissistic Parent creates a child that only exists to be an extension of her self. It’s about body language. It’s about disapproving glances. It’s about vocal tone. It’s very intimate. And it’s very powerful. It’s part of who the child is. ~ Chris
1. Everything she does is deniable 

2. She violates your boundaries 

3. She favoritizes 

4. She undermines 

5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates 

6. She makes you look crazy. 

7. She’s envious 

8. She’s a liar in too many ways to count. 

9. She has to be the center of attention all the time. 

10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain. 

11. She’s selfish and willful. 

12. She’s self-absorbed. 

13. She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism. 

14. She terrorized. 

15. She’s infantile and petty. 

16. She’s aggressive and shameless. 

17. She “parentifies.”

18. She’s exploitative. 

19. She projects. 

20. She is never wrong about anything. 

21. She seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings. 

22. She blames. 

23. She destroys your relationships. 

24. As a last resort she goes pathetic. 

Click here for the article:Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

  

My heart was impregnated with incredulous lies. All I wanted to do was lie down and cry. Your last words on constant repeat telling me don’t give up hope there could still be you and me. Even though I’m aware what your true motives are, I willingly hand you the knife to reopen the scar. Sometimes I wonder how I made it this far then I recall those lovely blue bars. They’re perfect for masking what’s really in your heart and sometimes keep your sanity from falling apart. But they too are a demon to be shamed. The same sick addiction that I have in playing your game. I only want to be loved the same don’t you hear me silently screaming your name? As I lie here just wanting to die, I wonder if you’ll feel me slip away during the night. Or simply say- what a tragedy, didn’t you there was hope for you and I? Knowing very well I was the creator of my own catastrophe and lived on the fringe of your scintillating lies. But this one led to my demise.

Email the author at ⬇️

narcissisticsociopath26@gmail.com

It’s not uncommon for a person, once they experience a relationship with a narcissist, to vehemently want to avoid or prevent a repeat.

What best guarantees that your relationship wont turn into another dance of codependency and narcissism?

In part, your success has to do with identifying certain red flags, based on understanding what narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is (versus narcissistic traits), as well as what codependency is, and in particular the ones that unwittingly yet directly feed and supply energy to narcissism.

The best protection or what best repels narcissism, however, has to do with what traits naturally repel a narcissist, and those are traits of persons committed to living and connecting authentically to life in and around them.

Click ⬇️ to read the article                      7 Ways to Repel a Narcissist


Narcissism Vs. Self-esteem

Narcissism encourages envy and hostile rivalries.                                                          …where self-esteem supports compassion and cooperation.

Narcissism favors dominance.                    …where self-esteem acknowledges equality.

Narcissism involves arrogance.               …where self-esteem reflects humility.

Narcissism is affronted by criticism.      …where self-esteem is enhanced by feedback.

Narcissism makes it necessary to pull down others in order to stand above them.                                                          Self-esteem leads to perceiving every human being as a person of value in a world full of meaning.

From the blog of⬇️

click➡️Geek, Bookworm, Graphic Artist

   

                   FLYING MONKEY

In popular psychology, a flying monkey is someone who does the narcissist’s bidding to inflict additional torment to the narcissist’s victim. 

It might consist of spying on the victim, spreading gossip, threatening, painting the narcissistic victim and their target as the perpetrator. 

Despite this, the narcissist does not hesitate to make flying monkeys their scapegoats when and if needed.

By Once Upon a Narcissist

Read more about flying monkeys at ➡️Faces of Narcissism
  

Multitudes of people who’ve implemented No Contact with their Narcissistic partner will inevitably ask the question, Does the Narcissist miss me?
Why? Because they are often consumed with missing the Narcissist, and they wonder if he or she has the same feelings of loss and sorrow…perhaps wondering if there’s a chance to rekindle the relationship.
The short–yet excruciating–answer is no. When we wonder if (or assume that) the Narcissist misses us, we are projecting our feelings of loss and longing onto them. Narcissists do not think the way we do, nor experience the same emotions. They operate solely from ego, so the usual emotions of missing someone or feelings of sadness and regret typically don’t affect them.

For more information about detaching from narcissists by          Kim Saeed…click ➡️Let Me Reach

  

“You were forcing me to feel guilty about having wounds, you pretended my emotions weren’t real, you dramatized your most tiny problems until they looked more important than my whole life struggles, you punished me over and over again for ‘not following your rules’ and you have the fucking nerve to pretend that I was the toxic one.”
by Furious Goldfish

 

“Narcissists want to receive good things, but are burdened or annoyed about giving them.

Narcissists are often happy to dish out negative treatment of all kinds, but tend to melt down when a hint of negativity blows in their direction, regardless of the reason for it.

So they like to GET good stuff, but don’t like to give it.”

Taking the good to leave you an empty space to fill up with their negatives.

From the blog of Mel Blogs Gluten Free